CrossFit Level 2
"Meet Wes—the guy who puts the ""sass"" in smartass. He's like a cross between Clint Eastwood and a grizzly bear with a PhD in sarcasm. He is the human embodiment of a protein shake mixed with sass, struts through life like a caffeinated peacock. Let’s dissect this enigma wrapped in a kettlebell: ● Hunting and Fishing: Wes doesn't just hunt; he stalks his prey like a disgruntled IRS agent tracking down tax evaders on April 16th. And fishing? Well, he treats it like a covert operation. His fishing rod has a silencer. ● Motorcycles and Guns: (When running and not broken down) Wes straddles his motorbike like it owes him money. His leather jacket reads, ""Born to Ride, Born to Sigh Dramatically."" And guns? He's has one or two. His favorite pickup line? ""Is your name Glock? Because you've got me locked and loaded."" ● Steak and Pizza and Bacon: Wes's diet is simple: meat and rebellion. He grills steaks with the intensity of a man defusing a bomb. And pizza? He believes it's the answer to all of life's mysteries. ""Why are we here? Pepperoni."" Wes’ doesn’t just love bacon; he’s in a committed relationship with it. His Tinder bio reads, “Swipe right if you’re crispy and well-seasoned.” ● ""My 600 lb Life"": Wes watches this show like a conspiracy theorist decoding alien messages. ""They're hiding the truth,"" he mutters, sipping his unsweet tea. ""Dr. Nowzardin is my hero."" ● Aluminum-Free Deodorant: Wes's armpits are sacred ground. He smears them with lavender-scented, aluminum-free deodorant, chanting, ""Purify, my underarm chakras!"" His aura smells like freedom and teen spirit. ● Crossfit Coach: Wes's classes are unconventional. Burpees? He calls them ""vertical existential crises."" Wallballs? He treats them like unruly politicians—slamming them against the wall. Wes’ warm-up includes a 10-minute rant about bidenomics. He calls it “mental cardio.” ● Smartass Extraordinaire: Wes’s wit cuts sharper than a marble. When someone mentions taxes, he deadpans, “Ah, the government’s energy exchange program.” His laughter echoes through the pines. ● Weaknesses: Absolutely none, except one and that being modesty. Wes once deadlifted a truck and whispered, “Eh, it’s just a warm-up.” ● Tactical LARPING: When the moon is full, Wes dons a weighted vest with motivational patches like “Nobody Cares, Work Harder” or “Embrace the Suck” knowing all too well that he will fake an injury and quit as soon as the hard stuff begins. His battle cry? ""For liberty and extra pepperoni!"" ● Cosmic Dislikes: Covid lockdowns? ""Like putting a cowboy in a corset."" Colonoscopies? He'd rather wrestle a grizzly bear. ""Stick that camera where the sun don't shine? No, thank you."" “The universe knows my colon better than any camera,” he declares. ● bidenomics Rants: Wes's eyes light up when someone mentions bidenomics. He'll corner you at a party, waving a steak knife, and launch into a tirade. ""Listen, pal, bidenomics is like a bad Tinder date—promises, disappointment, and regret."" ● Naps: Wes thinks naps are underrated. ""Napping is like hitting the 'reset' button on life,"" he declares. ""Plus, it's the only time I dream of tax forms doing burpees."" ● Patriotism: Wes loves his country, but he's not blind to its flaws. He'll salute the flag while muttering, ""Land of the free, home of the overpriced healthcare."" In Conclusion: Wes is the guy you want at your apocalypse party. He'll bring the steaks, the sarcasm, and a survival guide titled ""How to Outwit Zombies and IRS Agents."" Just don't ask him about bidenomics. Seriously, don't. 🍔🔫🤘 "
